Surviving a Messy Roommate

In lieu of our Roomate Cleaning Deal we've decided to blog on the best ways to survive a messy room mate.

1. Ask yourself whether your roommate is genuinely messy. 

•  Are you being reasonable or over-the-top about how much untidiness is acceptable in the room?
• Ask a friend to drop by and give an honest, objective opinion when your roommate isn't about. This can help to either confirm your impression or give you something to reconsider

2. Decide if you want to address the situation.

• Raise the issue politely,
• Don't raise it and bite your tongue daily or
• Avoid raising it while biding time until you can move out or trade rooms and bring in a "mess-lover". Which is likely to work best for you will depend on how entrenched you feel, whether exams/essay due dates are just around the corner or a whole term away and how well you and your roommate get along in other matters

3.  Address the issue 

• Begin by explaining that you feel uncomfortable living with socks on the floor, half-eaten packaging lying about and unwashed piles of clothing. Without whining, state some simple facts about why you feel hemmed in by what you see as mess. Be calm and sincere. Express the fact that your problem is with the mess, not with the roommate. At this stage, it's best not to sugarcoat things, but at the same time remember that afterwards you will have to continue to live with the person.
• As this is a very embarrassing topic, try to be as understanding as possible. Wait for a chance to talk when it is just the two of you, in a quiet, calm environment. Never blame the person outright for the mess, this will simply invoke hostility and anger. Instead, keep all statements as general as possible. For example, "I really wish we could all keep the house looking clean, don't you?", "I nearly tripped over that bag in the doorway. I wish everyone would just put their things away." By keeping it general, your roommate is less likely to feel under attack and is more likely to change his or her habits.
• Explain what you perceive as drawbacks to living with mess. Talk about bugs in the room, bad odors, and unsightly areas that prevent you from asking people in for a visit or study session. Be careful though, as your roommate might feel slighted, as you're suggesting he or she is causing bug infestations. If your roommate feels criticized, there is a risk of things getting even dirtier out of retaliation, so stay factual and be charming.

Talk about how each of you needs to feel at home in the room.

• Explain that being comfortable is about compromising both ways, to ensure that you are each happy living in the same room together. Messy, dirty and unhygienic doesn't work for everyone, but a reasonable amount of cleanliness works for everyone involved.
• Be prepared to distinguish between untidy and unhygienic messy. You may have to accept a certain amount of untidiness. However, you can push for tidiness for special occasions, such as a study hour with friends or for birthdays, etc